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Columbia lawyers argue that postdocs are not employees, they're trainees

Via Gary McDowell, (amidst Columbia University's recent postdoctoral unionization drive), a rather shocking and candid statement from their legal team and research administration:

If provided an opportunity to present evidence to show that postdoctoral trainees at Columbia are not employees under Section 2(3) of the Act, the University will present witnesses including, but not limited to Michael Purdy, Executive Vice President for Research. Dr. Purdy will testify to the following facts to show that postdoctoral trainees are not employees under Columbia University:  

(1) Postdoctoral trainees are merely "trainees" who, despite having a PhD degree, still require significant education, mentoring, and training in order to learn how to successfully conduct independent research....
...(5) Unlike other employees of the University, postdoctoral trainees are not "hired" based on their skills and ability to perform specific job tasks. Instead, the University appoints postdoctoral trainees to research positions based on their fit within a particular lab or with a particular principal investigator and their prior experience conducting mentored research....
(6) The tasks performed by postdoctoral trainees are fundamentally educational and are part of their training.... 

...Similarly, here, postdoctoral trainees seek such positions not to earn a living but to learn - for a temporary period of time - how to conduct independent research under the educations instruction and mentorship of a principal investigator. The trainees conduct research and perform tasks as part of the learning process. Their compensation is also generally fixed and does not vary based on the extent of services rendered. 

As I said on Twitter, I'm sure that the likeliest response is "well, this is language cooked up by our lawyers and we greatly value our important postdoctoral employees trainees..." Also, what does (1) mean for Columbia Ph.D.s and their ability to perform independent research without postdoctoral training? Surely some PUIs expect a research component and are willing to try out a freshly-graduated Ph.D? (not many, granted.)

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